Dating & Reading: Are they setting unrealistic expectations? I blame Blythe Leigh Hart.

As I wiped away my tears and turned the final page of The Afterglow by Blythe Leigh Hart, I

found myself yearning for a tattooed, actor boyfriend who rides a motorcycle and has a traumatic past and terrible reputation. Truly, everything about her MMC was so appealing even though he went against everything I have stood for in men.

I've never been attracted to motorcycles, and as an LA native, I've been taught to steer clear

from actors. Yet, there I was, twenty-four-years-old, no decent prospects in sight, incredibly real-life romance deprived, and borderline lonely, pining for an imaginary man named Jack Steele. Ms. Blythe's The Afterglow furthered my tragic cycle of overthinking dating. Has reading impacted my dating life in a negative light?

First dates are fun.

In my experience there are two possible outcomes: A. it goes absolutely horrendous and you run away screaming or B. you were slightly uncomfortable the entire time and answered the exact same questions you were asked on last five first dates you went on. But reliably, we arrive at the point where I announce that I'm an avid reader. I make this a priority to announce. I don't care if they inquire or not. I'll simply state it as if it is as important as the presidential election.

It is a test question. Similar to, "do you like pineapple on pizza?" Everyone has an aggressive opinion. Green flag if they answer honestly. Red flag if they copy exactly what you said with little to no passion.

When we arrive at the presidential announcement that I am an avid reader, the conversation tends to go as such:

Me: "I'm an avid reader."

Boy: "Me too!" or "Oh...I haven't touched a book in years."

Me: "What do you read?" or ignores them and moves on

Boy: "Self-help and finance books."

Me: Frowns... "I read romance."

Boy: Says something weird about faery smut and setting unrealistic expectations for men

In the past, this was one of my least favorite things men told me and that says a lot given the infinite list. But as the dating pool has magically worsened and the book boyfriends have magically unicornified (thanks a lot Blythe), I can't help but wonder if their words ring true. Is it really too much for men to write love letters and prepare baths for their partners after long days at work? Is it too much to buy flowers or organize any sort of romantic gestures? Is it too much to stand up for your partner and choose to go the extra mile on days when they can't get out of bed? Is my idea of romance corrupted by the idea of being seen and thought of in these ways? Corrupted because somehow, romance is executed in even smaller gestures, like just existing in the same room together? If that?

I understand not having tattoos or a motorcycle, but golly, is it really too much to pay attention to your partner?

At the same time, there is a subplot of romance novels (cough cough you know exactly what I'm talking about, besties) that would excuse the man who showed up at my house with cookies and a card after I blocked him on Instagram and rejected him, calling it a "romantic gesture." Unfortunately, I know way more of those instances than I do men following Jack Steele's example.

This is where I get confused.

If I know a decent amount of men who can follow the dark romance example of a book boyfriend, how is it that the normal, healthy book boyfriend isn't realistic? The math is not mathing!

After much consideration, I have come to the conclusion that it is absolutely, without doubt, possible. Book boyfriends are not setting unrealistic expectations. They are keeping us accountable. They are anchoring us to the truth of our worth. To be quite frank, romance authors are doing charitable work!

So, as I continue my dating journey and reconsider a restraining order, I will lean into indie authors like Blythe and remember that I am just as hot and deserving as Ophelia.

Read The Afterglow by Blythe Leigh Hart today!